Practical Ways to Practice Self-Love
A Crash Course on Taking Care of Ourselves
Before my daughter left for university she was understandably both excited and nervous. While she was very much looking forward to a new chapter of her life, she knew she would be facing some extreme pressure and unprecedented workloads in her program. We all know this kind of pressure can lead to anxiety, emotional distress, and even depression, and she was determined not to succumb. So she took the bull by the horns and spent two months over the summer creating her own personal support system.
For her, this took the form of a series of scrapbooks. In the first book, she compiled a variety of resources dedicated to good study habits. She found articles, tutorials, and step-by-step guides posted by students describing their most effective methods for keeping pace in school, dealing with intense workloads, and studying for exams, and she put them all together in her scrapbook as a kind of reference source to help her handle her work.
She was even more creative in her second book, which I kind of think of as a “self-help scrapbook”. In that one, she compiled an incredibly diverse array of items that she knew would help her feel better when she was nervous or scared. These included inspirational quotes and spoken word poems, comfort food recipes, pictures of people and places she loves, exercise regimens, and letters from friends. She decorated the book with glitter and stickers and pretty coloured writing, hearts and stars and (for all I know) fairy dust. It was, in short, a type of safe harbour in a storm, a place she could go when she was feeling overwhelmed.
She also took some measures when she arrived at school. In addition to getting involved in several clubs (both academic and social), she found a “Big Sister” program offered by the university that matches up new female students with older women in their programs. It may have been the luck of the draw, but her big sister last year was both a huge inspiration to my daughter and an incredible font of wisdom. She shared not only her own study habits, but her personal systems for staying sane and grounded — giving my daughter even more ammunition for her well-being arsenal.
A proactive response
I don’t know about you, but there was a huge lesson there for me. I’ve always believed in the imperative of taking care of yourself, but this may have been the first time I saw it exercised so proactively and preemptively.
Because, here’s the thing: we all know, at some point or another, life is going throw us curve balls. Even if we consciously take care of ourselves on an ongoing basis — by meditating, for instance, or booking half-days off, or committing to an exercise schedule — life has a funny way of not always complying with our plans. Maybe the increased anxiety so many of us are facing as this pandemic persists is throwing you off your game. Or maybe you’re just taking on more work than you can handle. Whatever it is, these stresses blindside us, put us under pressure, and make us feel overwhelmed.
That’s the point at which the rubber meets the road and our mettle actually gets tested. So wouldn’t it be great, when we enter that spot, to have a preconceived plan for dealing with it? If, instead of melting down, we knew the precise steps we could take to take care of ourselves? Maybe that means having a playlist of songs already cued up that you know makes you feel better. Maybe it means reading specific book passages or inspirational quotes that you’ve bookmarked in advance. Maybe it means reviewing your list of activities that typically soothe you, and choosing the one(s) that most resonate with you in the moment — whether that’s running or dancing or singing or meditating or sleeping or cooking or watching the clouds.
All I know is that nothing is ultimately under our control, except the way we respond. By creating a list of potential responses in advance, we can not only combat stress, but we can give ourselves the gift of self-love.
